Just who the HELL do you think you are??

No, seriously. Take a moment out of what you’re doing, and sit down. Write it out. Who and what are you? What do you identify with? How do you describe yourself to you and to others?

 

Now, look at your list. Look carefully at it. How is it limiting you?

 

I was told that I was low functioning autistic. I would be institutionalized for my entire life. I would never hold a job. I would never have my own home… I could have let that stop me. I could have used it to get disability. To have a ‘free ride’ through life. But I wanted more for myself. I made a different choice.

 

You can, too. So if you think of yourself as ‘just an employee’, that’s going to make you act like JUST an employee. I could be ‘JUST an author’ or ‘JUST a machinist’.

 

But there is no “JUST” an author. We are entertainers. We bring joy, inspiration, and even change to people’s lives. We’re teachers, we’re social activists, we’re trend setters.

 

Make today the day that you stop defining yourself as JUST anything. Make today the one that you see the bigger picture of what you are, and what you do… how even if you’re a maid in a hotel, you’re changing lives. You’re giving people luxury and a break from the mundane.

 

If you’re a nurse, you’re supporting the ill and the dying. You’re a helping hand during the darkest hours of a person’s life.

 

If you’re a restaurant worker, you’re saving people time. You’re helping them eat when they might otherwise have chosen to go without. You’re empowering them to eat something better than a candy bar, more filling than nothingness.

 

If you’re a person who builds roads, you’re beautifying your city and you’re protecting people’s cars from damage from potholes. You’re a public servant who serves the greater good by creating roads and allowing people to get to work and to school and to LIVE THEIR LIVES.

 

Every work is valuable. Make today the day that you change EVERYTHING in how you see yourself and your contribution to this planet. Make today the day that you change everything in how you see “just” a mom. How you see “just” a telephone worker, “just” a construction worker, “just” a maid…

 

See how you limit yourself by the labels you put on yourself, and discard the ones you don’t accept while you alter the ones that you are okay with having to where they are your “saving the world” label!

I Made Healing Salve Today

Today, Kira (my daughter), my house guest, and myself went on a nature walk to wild source some herbs.

With it, I’m making a balm that will soothe various skin issues. (This is not medical advice; mandatory disclaimer)

It is intended to help with, poison ivy/ poison oak, bee stings, any sort of open wound, etc. It can also help with skin conditions like pimples or eczema.

The basis of it is olive oil and beeswax. We got some fresh herbs and I used some dried ones.

(Dried) yarrow

• staunches bleeding
• decreases likelihood of scarring
• stops itching sensations from things such as mosquito bites, etc.
• decrease and even remove itching from allergic reactions

Plantain (fresh)

• Helps alleviate burning sensations
• Helps alleviate itching
• Drawing qualities–such as it can pull a bee stinger out
• Draws toxins and poisons out of wounds (such as bee venom)– a note; this is combined with yarrow because the plantain will remove the toxins, but the wound usually still itches. This is where the yarrow kicks in.
• Anti-inflammatory
• Antiseptic
• Anti-microbial

Chickweed (fresh)

• Cools wounds and alleviates painful symptoms
• Softens skin while drying wounds to assist in scab formation (excellent with yarrow, which helps decrease scarring)
• Assists in healing acne and exzema
• Like plantain, assists in drawing out foreign bodies (splinters/ bee stingers) and toxins
• Contains vitamins and minerals that assist in conditioning and softening the skin

Dandelion (fresh, but we found far less than we hoped for)

• Assists in pain relief
• Softens and moisturizes skin
• Contains vitamins and minerals that assist in conditioning the skin

Jewelweed (fresh)

• Fungicide
• Anti-inflammatory
• Relieves athlete’s foot, ringworm, and warts
• Relieves reactions of the skin to nettle, poison ivy, poison oak, insect venoms (although only temporarily in the case of insect bites such as mosquito bites or bee stings, unlike plantain or yarrow)
• Antihistamine properties to relieve skin allergy reactions
• Anti-itch
• Anti-microbial
• (A couple of notes on Jewelweed… it often grows right beside poison ivy, and it is the most efficient method of treating poison ivy. Furthermore, it can help prevent the poison ivy from ever starting a rash if you were to put it on yourself BEFORE venturing into the woods.)

Cinnamon (dried/ ground- a very small amount, this is NOT turned into a paste, which can feel burning to the skin and even dry it out)

• Stimulates blood flow to the area
• Anti-bacterial, even effective against resistant strains
• Anti-fungal
• Increase collagen levels
• Dries the skin (this is offset by the plants above so that it won’t dry it OUT)

Raw honey

• Anti-inflammatory
• Significantly reduces likelihood of scarring
• Anti-microbial
• Soothes burns and help prevent infection in burns

So tonight the oil will soak in all the wonderful properties of these herbs. Tomorrow, I will add beeswax and thicken them into a cream… and from there, into small mason jars.

SO excited!

Current Side Project: HOPE

Whew, okay, so… I’m working on another project right now. I’m writing my novel, of course, but I’m also working on a project writing about how to reprogram your mind for success.

 

In the last months, I’ve been following a lot of teachers, and I’ve learned a lot about success thinking. But I finally found a method that has completely altered the trajectory of my life within a couple of months… in massive, unprecedented ways.

 

And I’ve come to understand that the biggest issue is that so many of these teachings do the same thing… they give you part of the answer and then want you to buy the rest. The problem is, the people who MOST NEED this help and life-altering change… can’t afford it!

 

I’ve finally put it together, and I’m going to make a $.99 audio and $.99 book to help people totally alter their lives. Without $5,000 seminars. Without $1,000 “clearing” by people who are “specially intuitive and are the only one who can clear you”. The people who most need help are typically not able to afford it. This is a long standing problem, and it has to end. It’s not okay. It’s not how things should work.

So I’m writing the book and collaborating with a friend to create a meditation audio to go along with the book.  Either alone should help people transform their lives if followed with as much accuracy as they can do so. It is already changing lives in radical and profound ways.

I believe all people deserve transformation, not only the ones who can afford to attend costly seminars. And I don’t buy the absurd idea that “people won’t value it” if it’s not thousands of dollars. We each get to decide how much we value something. I have things that I value more than I value my car… because they were gifts. They cost me nothing, ever… but they are super precious.

This proves to me beyond all doubt that it’s not about value. We value things as we choose to. We can value gifts above purchased items, IF WE SO CHOOSE. And thus we can value something that COULD be sold for thousands of dollars (and this could easily be!!), if we CHOOSE TO.

I believe people will return and buy the more expensive audios and books we’ll also make, in part to pay us back for the gift of changing their life forever. That’s my true, genuine belief. Some may not, but I truly believe the vast majority will.

Sometimes, you have to step up and take a risk. I’d rather save lives for $.99 and be seen a fool, than not save any lives and be proven one….

Spiritual Chit-chat; Abundance Teachings

I’m very interested in the world of spiritual growth. I’m also finding life very challenging lately in the area of finances. But there’s a big discrepancy there, as there is for a lot of people. I was raised breaking my teeth against sayings like, “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer” or “[the love of] money is the root of all evil”. (Not always do people acknowledge the first part of that statement, sometimes they like to shorten things up, all neat and tidy like)

I suspect that this is the case for many of us. These sayings have permeated our culture quite deeply, and even if you’re not a Christian, you’ve heard about how the love of money is sooo terribly evil, no doubt. Or how “our culture” keeps us down once we end up down.

But the longer I am around these sorts of spiritual growth areas, the more I learn that the supposed people who are enlightened and who are spiritual and who are here to serve and assist us… are simply adding to the problem, not helping with it in many cases.

I recently came across a woman who assures us all that she has an extra-special superpower… she’s able to remove abundance blocks. She can intuitively find and eliminate them. But unless you have a thousand dollars to slap down, you don’t actually need her help. *blinks owlishly* Erm, okay.

I’ve been using the book The Sedona Method (4 bucks USD on Amazon) lately. Now, I have to say that there are some tips on how to use it better.  Once you’ve learned the basic questions and the basic wants, it’s time to tackle those old beliefs.

The struggle is to find the deep-seated beliefs that hold you back. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing a rich person and seeing how he or she always puts money above family; how they encourage divorce or how they support other people making horrible financial decisions because they have no realistic idea of “how the other half lives”. Making an unconscious decision that “I will never be like her” or “That’s the problem with having money, it makes you abandon your family” or other thoughts that you didn’t realize you internalized.

Whatever the issues are, finding them can be quite the process.

So, here are some things that I suggest for people who are lost as to what their beliefs about money and rich people really are (much less how to be free of those nonsensical beliefs–for example, just because I know one rich person who thinks that divorce is the best way to raise children, doesn’t mean that all rich people are like that)….

1. Write down what you really, truly, honestly want in a form that is positive. So, instead of “I don’t want to have debt”, it would be, “Everything is paid up and current, and I easily pay cash on the spot for things I desire.” (Do not use the word ‘want’ because want actually indicates that you lack it… I’ll write the full ‘for want of a horseshoe nail the kingdom was lost’ blog post next time, but for now, just keep the word want out of it)
2. Now, sit down with a piece of paper and a pen… and say this, “I would have all of my debts paid off, BUT..”
   Everything that comes up after “but” is the answer to your question of “what are some of my blocks?” For example, if I write, “I would be a world-famous author, BUT…” and some things that came up for me were, “I don’t have time.” “I don’t know how to market my books.” “I don’t have the money to buy marketing.”
3. Do the Sedona method on these beliefs. Because that’s all they are, beliefs. They’re programmed into us once we accept them without proper diagnosis–which is super easy to do and none is to ‘blame’ for this. It’s just something that happens to us very easily.
4. Keep doing the Sedona Method according to the chapter in the book. Do the advantages and disadvantages work. Do the clearing method on each interaction you have with paying or accepting money.
5. Do this process we’ve just discussed over and over. Once a day if you can bring yourself to it. Once a month will make huge progress, if nothing else.

Anyway, if you’re going to look for ways to help yourself clear financial blocks, and you aren’t in the place to pay $1,000 USD for someone to clear your blocks to abundance because you uh, have blocks to abundance… then try the Sedona Method and google Tony Robbins Dickens Pattern. You’ll make a lot more progress over listening to hour long infomercials that simply end you up feeling like you wasted part of your life on someone who just wants to “help the rich get richer and the poor get poorer” according to the legends we’ve heard all of our lives.

Hopefully this will help some folks. Old beliefs don’t have to die hard. Nor does it take a thousand dollars or you’ll be stuck forever.

It’s not a magic pill that will work tomorrow. Nothing really is, not even for a thousand dollars. But it’s not hopeless, either. It’ll take discipline and work; but it’s mental work and it’s not hard work. It’s just a question of sticking with it and hanging in there. Doing the Dickens pattern over and over on yourself. Running the Sedona Method on yourself over and over on each thing that comes up. Don’t worry, it’s a “your poverty back if you’re not satisfied” method so you haven’t really lost anything. 😉 Certainly not a thousand dollars…

To Be A Compass

Somewhere along the line in my relationship with my ex, something went terribly wrong. It started out small, and it just got bigger. The fighting was passionate in the beginning. But then everything was passionate in the beginning. Yet in the most basic sense, John was a truly good man. He wanted me to be happy. He was kind, he was giving, he was thoughtful.

When I got pregnant, things changed. What I can see as I look back now, was that we both changed, but me more than him. I quit standing my ground. I tried to be nice. I didn’t focus on what I really needed during that difficult time. I let it become about him–while I was the one who was pregnant.

It was like a house of cards or a line of dominoes. Once I made that first fatal error, it all started to fall down as the years went by. I was missing something, and I knew it. John still wanted to please me, and sometimes I let him. But mostly I focused on pleasing John. How to make him happy again, so he would care about my needs again.

I sort of had it right. I knew for sure that I couldn’t just give in all the time… that it wasn’t right to pretend I was attracted when I just no longer was. Sadly, I knew a whole ton of wrong things, though. And I tried every single one of them–repeatedly. Whether they worked or not.

Then it was over. And it ended ugly. I was hurting and hating him because it was easier to hate him than feel the anguish I’ve felt over losing him.

But I know what I want. I want love. I want a marriage and a lifelong commitment. I want to be in love and I want someone to be in love with me. I know that much for sure. So I started doing some meditations about attracting your ideal mate. I made changes in myself; and I decided that I wasn’t going to be the people-pleaser John-pleaser I had been. I got my hair cut and I colored it. Change. I started keeping the house the way I want it without regard for punishing him for not picking up after himself. Change.

Then as I continued my meditations, I stumbled across an ad on a page.  An interesting thing to note is that I don’t click ads. I just don’t. I end up spending money, and I rarely feel like I get what I needed or wanted from that product. I don’t do disappointment well, kind of like sadness. But I clicked it, and it took me here: http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?s=56629&sbid=cpbzw&cuid=djmr&cids=3WSZZZ, (I am not affiliated in any way)

Immediately, I could just sense that, at least for me, this felt RIGHT. It was like kizmet. I was definitely not living my feminine energy, but I didn’t know it. It was like a key fitting into a lock–I understood immediately that THIS was what I was doing wrong all along.

Men are designed to please through doing. Women are designed to please through accepting. This is evident in our very bodies. We accept a man into our body… into our lives… into our circle of life. And that’s where I went wrong. When I started trying to please, instead of accepting pleasure… I went horribly wrong.

Now, I don’t justify anything he did. Some of those things were just downright MEAN. But so was I sometimes. Neither makes the other right, but it becomes easier to realize that I contributed to what happened, and that he didn’t WANT to be mean… we were just both completely lost and confused.

I’ve forgiven him. Just like that. And I’ve understood in the last few days that men have a focus. They have a True North in a relationship… and if I want to be happy with my man, I’m not supposed to please him. I’m supposed to be his compass. His True North is my happiness. What a profound, amazing concept.

Looking back, I know this was true for John, beyond the shadow of all doubt. He wanted me to be happy. He wanted to please me. When I started trying to please him, instead, he lost sight of True North. And I couldn’t make him happy because I was not happy. I thought that my happiness hinged upon him being happy first.

I had it all backwards. I needed to tell him, in a real, raw way, how I felt so he could tell how far away–or how close–he was to his True North. Without the guidance of my emotions, he was lost and adrift… then we both started screwing up.

The program is hard and it’s scary. It’s stripping myself of defenses I spent 42 years building. It’s asking a person with autism to look someone in the eye without faltering. It’s huge and it’s terrifying to be so stripped bare to my naked soul in front of a man who has such power to hurt me; and doesn’t even know it because I hid it so well.

Wherever I go from here, I know it’ll be marriage. And this time, I’m committed to being the compass. Men want to please. I’ve seen it so many times. It truly IS their nature to please. But they have to be guided. Not through being told WHAT to do… but through being told how what they are doing is working–or not working. The doing is their job… the pointing to True North is my job. The feminine is receptive of the action, and maybe sometimes it won’t feel nice. Sometimes it’s scary and sometimes it’s painful and sometimes it’s angering.

It’s hard for them, too. They want to hear “I’m happy” every time, but sometimes it’s “I feel sad”, instead. Or maybe it’s “I feel angry”.

By not being honest about how I felt, I broke his compass. Its needle was wobbling all over the place, and he had no guidance system anymore.

I didn’t know any better. I was trying. So was he. A critical element was missing, and neither of us knew what it was or how to get it back. Now I know, and I know now that I’ll have what I want. I’ll be married someday and I’ll be my husband’s most precious treasure: his compass.

“I’m Raiding” has Replaced “Bring Me a Beer”

So on my 7 year old daughter’s birthday (She turned 7 this Halloween), my ex ended our 10 year relationship. At first, I was devastated. I gave the guy 10 years of fidelity and honest effort. I’m told that women are led by their emotions and men are the rational, logical ones… yet it was I who hung on despite the many times I no longer felt any emotional attachment–or connection–with him at all. But when he decided he didn’t “feel the same” about me anymore, and “never would”, he walked away like 10 years is nothing. It’s been almost a year since my daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and it’s been one hell of a hard year for her and me both.

Relationships fall apart for a lot of reasons. Ours fell apart in part because my ex only considers two things to be of value in this world… money and sex. And once he started treating me poorly, he wasn’t getting the second and I was too focused on our daughter to focus on the first.

Yet it goes deeper than that. We all know and recognize the iconic image of the guy with his hand down his pants, yelling for a beer while he watches TV and his wife is bringing him a beer with two kids dangling off of her and her eyes crossed from exhaustion. After all, as we all know, he has had a rough day and he deserves to be waited on hand and foot because… he makes MONEY. And nothing else is of value in this world…

But the new iconic “involved husband and father” image isn’t quite so obvious. There’s no beer to depict his disconnection. Instead, it’s a computer and a group of soda cans.

Today’s dad might look more like this: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/health/health/3003526/Video-gaming-Top-Tuns-are-top-slobs-too.html

When his kid wants his attention, it’s “Stop it, I’m busy.” Or, if he’s in a good mood, it might be, “After this raid”. Which incidentally takes him well past the child’s bedtime. Unlike the beer drinking slob, he’d probably disengage long enough to get laid–because in the gaming community, getting laid is cool (as long as you don’t do it on raid nights).

I’m a gamer, too. It really is kind of addicting, and definitely fun. It can be social, as well. But when my daughter came along, it was me who cut back my gaming hours. It was me who quit raiding. It’s me who stops to play a game or to read a story or to take her to bed–on time (imagine it!).

Yet he was entitled to his gaming time because HE had a REAL job. Because HE brought in money. And he was entitled to sex for the same reason. The idea that he should get off of the computer and spend time with his family was a wonderful one. And he intended to do it. But not tonight. Not during a raid. Not when there were coins to gather or gear to get before the next raid.

I did a lot wrong, too. I kept giving up… and trying to get back into it. Our relationship was like working out. I’d give up and then try again. Then give up and get back into trying again. It was like working out for him, too… he’d try for a day and expect everything to magically change. A kiss that morning on the way to work was “trying to show affection” and if he didn’t get laid that night, then “it didn’t work” and if he did get laid that night, he didn’t need to try anymore because “it worked” and now he should be getting it all the time.

At the end of the day, I thought we were back on track to try with “us” again. I thought that, now that our daughter was on the insulin pump and I wasn’t checking her every single night at 12 and 3 and 5 am, we could work towards us. We’d finally found a babysitter for her who wasn’t petrified of her chronic health condition. It was all coming together…

Except it wasn’t. And you can’t have a relationship all by yourself. He had “fallen out of love” with me… was still in love with his computer… and just didn’t feel like anything was worth the effort anymore. But he did try for a couple of weeks to actually be a dad. And when he’s not near the computer, he’s okay as a dad. He gets angry easily, which he blames on me.  Though him blaming everything on me–whether it has anything to do with me or not–is trademark for our relationship. We quit counseling because it wasn’t fixing me fast enough.

The truth is, as I look back on it, he always thought he would be happy “when” and all of his “whens” focused on me. When I got a job, he’d be happy. When he was getting laid every day, he’d be happy. When that was happening, he wasn’t happy. When that was happening, he picked fights about other things every chance he got.

Now he can raid in peace, and I’m okay with the breakup. The reason why is simple. Because now I realize on a profound level that him being a jerk and a slob really didn’t have anything to do with me. We’re broke up now and I’m working to find my real self again while he… he’s still a jerk and a slob. Bless his heart.

Despite this post, I don’t hate him. I’m not even angry at him anymore. I’m seeing things clearly for the first time since I met him, and I know now that he will never have another chance with me. More than that, I know to look at my part of the relationship now, because I can’t trust what he says is my part in what went wrong. He’ll blame me for everything, just as he always has. So I have to figure out for myself which part of me I don’t want to take into the next relationship.

The most important thing is that I’m going to quit blaming myself for everything. I didn’t learn that from him, I blamed myself long before him. But he did teach me one very important thing… I don’t like someone blaming me for everything, even the ones I had nothing to do with. So it’s long past time I quit doing it to myself. I didn’t like it when he did it to me, so now I need to stop being a hypocrite and quit doing it, too.

If you know what I mean, you may want to check out this website: http://gamerwidow.com/

Powerful Changes on the Home Front

So, as many know already, my 6 year old has type 1 diabetes. So far, it has been injections by needle 5-6 times each and every day. But on the 9th of Sept. we started what they call a saline trial with an insulin pump. This monday the 16th, she went ‘live’ with it, now having real insulin in it and no injections necessary! Now it’s 1 poke every 2 days (not including finger stick tests, which will never go away unless the technology improves).

This has been huge around our house. Telephone calls, appointments, excitement, arguments… stress. It’s a huge life change that is probably 95% positive, but still stressful and a lot of work. Going on the pump changes so much that they say it’s almost like it was when first diagnosed. I’m now getting up 2 times through the night to obsessively test her. It’s not easy or simple, and it’s an extremely exhausting transition. Well worth it, though!!

 

I feel so lost and behind with everything. The yard is a mess. The house is, while not overtly trashed, far below par. I am personally just so tired. I feel stretched thin and wrung out.

 

I regret in part that this has interfered so dramatically with my writing. I know there are those of you waiting impatiently (yet conversely, patiently) for the next book. I want you to know that I hear you, I feel you. I haven’t forgotten you. I can’t regret doing what I must to care for my daughter, but I do regret the necessity to set other things aside in so doing.

But things are on the move again here. For the next couple of weeks, I can’t lie, it’s still going to be hard here. The first couple of weeks of being on the pump require constant monitoring of her BG levels. So she’ll still be my priority. But something of a reprieve is on its way. Hang in there with me a little longer!

 

Thank you!

Parenting: The Good, The Bad, and The Diabetes

The title is really no joke at all. There’s the good of parenting, the hard parts of parenting, and then there are physical conditions that are very much on their own level.

With the approach of the first day of school, the pressure is mounting.  It’s very much akin to the concept of a geyser building up pressure on a predictable schedule. That pressure mounts and mounts until it roars and explodes up into the air… only to settle immediately back into business as usual… yet that sense of slowly increasing pressure remains beneath the apparently tranquil surface.

That’s what back-to-school is like.

But then you throw in the unpredictable element of diabetes, and things get very strange. I’m playing phone tag all day long with people from Medtronic (we decided on a Revel insulin pump). I’m playing catch-up with the nurse educator, and playing verbal ping-pong with the school…

Thursday is our 504 meeting. It was going to be on Wednesday, which made me just want to cry. I really need Wednesday clear so that I can hopefully meet up with my old boss who may have a few hours a week for me to work. The money would be lovely, but more than that, she and her family became like a sort of extended family to me. I miss them so much that sometimes my heart hurts. I babysat their daughter for over a year, and in that time, how could you not become attached to them all?

It’s another price of this condition, and that doesn’t even speak to what my daughter has to face. It’s a struggle to take care of these factors behind the scenes for her and try to put on a brave face so that she doesn’t feel guilty. It’s a human thing to feel guilty even when it’s not our fault, and it’s just so unfair. I’m not going to lie, I fear doing that to her; causing her to feel guilt over something she has no business feeling guilty over.

This has impacted my life in ways that I never could have imagined or expected. Everything feels so ‘on hold’ during the summer.

I am hoping that the return of school, as pressured as it is, will bring with it some relief and allow me to at least partake once more in a bit more of life. I had always thought that school time was the harder time, the more busy time, the more active time. This summer has disabused me of that notion entirely!

Bring on the first daze of school!

I think I’ll take a nap at least once the first week. Wouldn’t that be something!

The Great Travail: Diabetes vrs. Writing

As some of you may know, my 6 year old daughter was diagnosed in Dec. 2012 with type 1 diabetes. I won’t go into all the differences between type 1 and type 2, as anyone interested enough can look it up. I’ll suffice it with this… my daughter can eat anything that anyone else can eat, she just requires a shot of insulin before she can eat it. In type 2, the person’s body doesn’t like insulin–it resists it, basically. In type 1, the body, simply put, just doesn’t make any.

So, there’s the super-extra-fast skinny on the differences…

On to the point. We are in the process of getting her onto an insulin pump. We are also in the process of changing from one endocrinologist to a different one. Both of these have been extremely stressful, and getting her insulin pump has been delayed until August, if not later. I’m hoping for a reprieve and that we’ll manage to get it earlier and faster. Here’s crossing my fingers.

That being said, everything else in life has gone on hold for quite a while thanks to these issues. Diabetes, at least in these early months, is all-consuming for the caretaker(s). At least, around our house it has been. It’s learning and figuring and researching and trying to learn this pump versus that pump. It’s reading about how to pretend you’re a pancreas.

Pretending to be a pancreas is kind of like pretending to be a state-of-the-art computer from 2206. I just as well try to be a rock star or pretend that I’m an astronaut. In other words, it’s just not possible–yet it still consumes so much time, energy, and effort.

In the meantime, we’ve finally gotten to the point where we’re trying to catch up with some things at home. I’m getting a new desk. Since I”m a mom, my desk is sort of the dumping ground for pictures (I made this just for you, Mommy!), for personal grooming supplies (do you have the toenail clippers? no… er, wait… uh, eww!), for my own stuff (I know it’s around here somewhere!), and for pretty much anything and everything else you can think of (or, hopefully not… some things I’d rather not think of).

Additionally, we’re finally getting that deep freezer that I’ve coveted for years. Then there’s the garden that needs weeding and planting. Not to mention that the cherry bushes out front are being choked out by dandelions (which is a problem, because I actually like dandelions). Oh, also, there’s the small matter of cleaning up the storage room to make room for the bloody stupid freezer that I was entirely certain I really really wanted until I saw that storage room and remembered we have to clean it before… wait, what was I talking about?

Oh yes, something about writing.

I’ll be back at it soon. Except that the school year is ending and naturally, we’re right in the middle of changing doctors (both endo and pediatrician, by the way), trying to get an insulin pump, trying to clean the back room, trying to weed the garden, and trying to get my desk cleaned to make room for the new one.

Tired yet? I know I am!

But, I haven’t forgotten writing and I’ll be back to the poor old abused grindstone soon, I promise!

No, seriously.

PBP: Hegemony

When I thought about writing for the Pagan Blog Project this week, I thought of all kinds of words, but they just didn’t seem to fit where I’m at right now. I thought of harmony, hope, happiness (again), harps, and others I probably shouldn’t share.

Then I realized that this week I’ve been dealing with the concept of hegemonies in my writing and my personal life.

Dictionary.com’s second meaning for hegemony is what I wanted to address:

2. leadership; predominance

Lately, I’ve been considering; wondering what has hegemony in my life? Where do my priorities really lie? I’ve been re-reading the Tao this week, as it’s my primary spiritual inspiration. As a sort of eclectic pantheist, I guess, I believe in one Great Intelligence, which pictures itself in the world as a multitude of beings and intelligences, great, small, and in between.

The greatest and most powerful expression of that Great Divine Intelligence is Love.

When I rise in the morning and stare at the sun for a few seconds (when it’s not obscured), it is love that I feel. Reverence for this great ball of fire, the Seat of the Divine… and its unconditional love for all things.

I don’t remember who said it, I believe it was Eckhart Tolle in one of his books, but the sun looks down upon all with equal love. It shines upon the rich, the poor, the tall, the short, the fat, the thin, the young, the old… it shines its undying, unalterable love upon everyone.

The sun is the ultimate Hegemony of this world. For without the sun, all things would cease. No more plants. No more animals. No more you, no more me. Just a cold, barren ball of frozen rock, hurtling through space. It has ultimate predominance over everything.

Yet as the Tao reminds us… it does not interfere. It stands above us all. It is the source of all life… but like Love Itself, it holds no bias. It shines. It loves.

Like the sun, I desire Love to be my Hegemony. That sort of ultimate Hegemony wherein there is only Love shining forth, without compromise, without condition. I choose to let Love have predominance in my life. I choose to let Love lead my actions.

What has Hegemony in your life?